


This Isn't Stealing

by Nitroid



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Crack, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-09
Updated: 2017-07-09
Packaged: 2018-11-29 18:50:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11446914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nitroid/pseuds/Nitroid
Summary: At Kise’s house, Aomine and Haizaki rope Kagami into wearing Kise’s older sister’s underwear.





	This Isn't Stealing

**Author's Note:**

> Danshi Kokousei no Nichijou style!  
> Absolute crack alert, and also Aomine. And Haizaki.  
> Aokise, Kagazaki, & the wrath of the eldest Kise offspring.

“It’s too hot.” Aomine flopped down onto the comfortable couch in the Kise household. “I’m dying.”

Haizaki dropped their school jackets on him. “Quit hogging the sofa!”

“I was here first!” Aomine balled a jacket up and tossed it at Haizaki. “Score!”

“Guys, there’s two other chairs…” Kise placed a tray with iced Coke and seaweed crackers on the coffee table.

“Kise, you have a nice house.” Kagami started politely, taking a sip of Coke.

Kise offered him a cracker and smiled. “Thanks Kagamichii. Help yourself, everyone.”

“Oi, Kise.”

Kise merely nodded at him as he talked to Kagami. Annoyed, Aomine tossed a couch cushion at him.

“Jeez, Aominechii look, you made me spill some Coke on the carpet.”

“I haven’t seen your room.” Aomine took a swig from his glass. “I’m curious what kinda porn you’re into. I bet it’s completely vanilla shit, with an average guy fucking the girl only in missionary.”

Cheeks flushing, Kise stuffed a cracker into his mouth. “What makes you think I have any? And what’s wrong with the missionary?!”

“Tch.” Aomine threw the other couch cushion, the one his butt had been resting on, at Haizaki, who had been quietly blowing bubbles into his Coke glass. “You’re fucking boring, Kise.”

Spluttering, Haizaki scrambled to pick up his glass from where it was staining the shag carpet with the brown soda.

“Aominechii!” Kise dashed for a cleaning cloth to mop up the mess.

“The hell, man.” Kagami tossed the basketball he’d been spinning on his index finger at Aomine. “Don’t be a jerk just cause you wanna jerk off.”

Haizaki erupted into a fit of laughter, leaning over the table to slap Kagami a high five. Aomine lunged at him.

Kise stomped back and smacked Aomine in the face with the cleaning cloth before walking over to soak it in the stain.

“Ow.” Aomine sighed. “Sorry. But the carpet’s black anyway. And Mai-chan’s new book release got delayed. Also why is Shougo even here.”

Kagami finished eating the entire bowl of seaweed crackers. “He’s here cause he’s Kise’s friend.”

Aomine’s right sock landed smack in the middle of Kagami’s face. The redhead spluttered and coughed, mainly from the smell.

“Bakagami! It was a rhetorical question, that’s why I asked it without a question mark!”

“How the hell should I know?!” Kagami yelled.

“Shut up, Aominechii.” Kise sighed, wiping fruitlessly at Haizaki’s drenched uniform slacks. “Sorry Shougo-kun. The Coke must be sticky on your skin. Why don’t you take a shower upstairs? I’ll lend you some pants.”

“Sure. Are we the same size?” Haizaki asked, placing his empty glass back on the tray Kagami was holding out, having recovered from the sock attack. “Thanks.”

Kagami nodded. “I’ll help clear up.”

“You mean, help clear Kise’s fridge out.” Aomine said sourly. “And Kise just wants to see Shougo naked.”

“Quit being jealous!” Kise retorted, annoyed. “Come with us if you can’t stand me being alone upstairs with Shougo-kun!”

x

“Whose room is that?” Kagami asked, pointing to a hot pink door with a gold handle.

“Don’t tell me that’s yours, Kise.” Aomine leered.

Kise elbowed him in the gut. “It’s my nee-san’s.”

Kagami swallowed a grin. “I’ve never seen a girl’s room before.”

“You little shit, you’ve got a hot girl in your bed all the time, with huge tits too!” Aomine practiced a dropkick on Kagami’s back.

“I never make eye contact with her!” Kagami hollered. “I barely even look in her direction!”

“Yeah right!”

“Fight me!”

Haizaki thanked Kise as he was handed a pair of clean pants. He held them up.

“They’re clean, just got them out from my laundry basket.” Kise held the door open to the bathroom he shared with his sisters. “Here. You can use my shower if you like.”

Haizaki shook his head as he undid his belt in the bathroom. “I’m fine just changing. I’m not that wet.”

“That’s what she said!” Aomine slapped high fives with Kagami as they tried to pick the lock of Kise’s sister’s door.

“What the heck are you guys doing?!” Kise dashed over to stop them.

“We’re high schoolers!” Aomine shook his head at the blond. “We’re supposed to curse. You can’t even say ‘hell’ properly.”

“Well excuse my parents, they taught me manners!” Kise growled.

“Got it open!” Kagami crowed gleefully as the pink door clicked open smoothly. “Thanks to this bobby pin!”

“That was mine!” Haizaki attacked Kagami’s eyes with two fingers. “It was my last one! Now I’ll have to go buy more!”

“I’ll get you some from the convenience store, okay!” Kagami grabbed Haizaki’s wrists in an effort to stop him from pressing his eyeballs in.

“I. Don’t. Want. Convenience. Store. Shit!” Haizaki kneed Kagami in the stomach to emphasize each word. “I only use the good quality ones from Funky Girly Beauty!”

“What!” Aomine looked up sharply, from where he had been stealthily pressing his lips to Kise’s. “That’s where Satsuki shops! And just about every other girl on the planet!”

Kise said nothing, gasping for breath. Aomine tasted like onions - most likely from the beef burger he had ordered in Maji earlier.

“On second thought I’ll just give you money to buy it.” Kagami choked out from his position on the floor.

“No fucking way.” Haizaki grasped Kagami by his cheeks and slammed his forehead into his. “You’re coming with me to buy a whole pack! And you’re buying me ice cream after!”

“Sounds like a date, Shougo.” Aomine made gagging motions with his fingers. “Kagami, you definitely can’t refuse.”

“You guys.” Kise coughed feebly.

“Hey this room is pretty neat!” Kagami, having writhed away from between Haizaki’s legs while he was distracted, spluttering at Aomine’s words.

“Don’t go into my sister’s room!” Kise wheezed, still reeling from the strong onion stench now wafting from his own mouth. “Shit, Aominechii, did you eat an entire onion bulb?”

“It’s just an ordinary room!” Aomine held Kagami in a headlock, disappointed at the normalcy of Kise’s nee-chan’s sleeping space. “Die already!”

“I-It’s my first time seeing one!” Kagami confessed, struggling for oxygen.

“Get out already!” Kise wisely stayed by the door.

“She has nice clothes!” Haizaki threw open the wardrobe to the right. “Wow, a school uniform!”

Aomine dropped Kagami like a rock in exchange for running over to check out the article of clothing Haizaki was holding up on a lime green felt hanger.

“West Kaijo All Girls Academy.” He breathed. “N-Nice. An all girls school.”

“You perverts!” Kise hopped from foot to foot by the door. “Let’s go to my room and play an RPG, okay? I just bought Extreme Quest 3 yesterday.”

“Hey Kagami~” Aomine ignored the blond’s desperate pleas. “Take your shirt off.”

Holding the uniform, Haizaki crept around to where Kagami was recovering from the choke hold on the furry pink carpet.

“W-What?” Kagami looked up a second too late. “Why!”

Aomine wrestled the redhead’s uniform shirt off and pinned his arms to the floor. “Do it, Shougo!”

“It’s five sizes too small for me!” Kagami screamed in protest.

Kise sagged against the door frame in defeat.

“This isn’t right!” Kagami voiced his dissent as he twisted out of Aomine’s vice-like grip. “High school girls wear matching bra and panty sets under their uniforms!”

Haizaki stopped trying to grapple the shirt over Kagami’s muscled shoulders. “Shit, you’re right!”

Aomine was already digging through the bottom of the closet, where a built-in row of drawers housed Kise’s sister’s lingerie collection.

“Oh!” Aomine tossed a clean pair over to Kagami with a mischievous grin. “Put this on!”

Kagami held up the lacy red bra and swallowed audibly. “Wow. Uh… I’m pretty sure this color is against a high majority of school regulations.”

“Just put it on, already!”

“You chicken!”

Kise pinched the bridge of his nose as Haizaki and Aomine pressured Kagami.

“Where does this hook even go!” Kagami bleated in exasperation, struggling with the bra clasp.

Having had more girlfriends than Aomine, Haizaki offered to help. “Here, I’ll hook it for you.”

“Wear the panties, too.” Aomine slid the fabric over Kagami’s legs as the redhead objected loudy. “Dude trust me, I’m not looking at your dick.”

In five more minutes, Kagami was all suited up in Kise’s older sister’s high school uniform. The thigh high stockings barely reached his knees, and looked fairly ridiculous on his muscular calves.

“…”

Running a hand through his dark hair, Aomine was struck speechless. Haizaki tried to break the awkward silence with a compliment.

“W-Whoa Taiga-kun, that looks uh, pretty good on you!”

“Then why aren’t you making eye contact!” Kagami slapped his palms to his face. “Shit, I shouldn’t have let you guys talk me into this!”

“I’m serious!” Haizaki kicked Aomine in the shin. “Oi, say something too!”

“Do a sexy pose!” Aomine blurted out, then quailed under the force of Haizaki’s glare. “What?! It was all I could think of to say!”

“Guys.” Kise tried again from the doorway.

Haizaki ignored him, focusing on Kagami. “I’m serious. You could earn money from this.”

“You really think so?” Relieved, Kagami cracked a smile, adjusting his sitting position so the short skirt fanned over the top of his toned upper thighs. “I… I kinda like the feel of this outfit, actually.”

“Mhm.” Aomine nodded, then glanced at Haizaki. His shin was still throbbing. “Y’know what would be even better? If we all wore some lingerie under our uniform shirts!”

“No way!” Haizaki protested, but Aomine was adamant in dragging him over to the wardrobe.

“You don’t want Kagami feeling bad now, do you?”Aomine hissed. “Take your shirt off!”

x 

Haizaki turned around, unbuttoning the first three buttons of his white uniform shirt. A peek of lacy purple could be seen between the space on his chest. His blazer embroidered with the Fukuda Sogo emblem was tied around his front to resemble a skirt. Kise’s clean change of basketball shorts lay on the floor beside him. A pair of net tights adorned his fair-skinned legs.

“How do I look?” Haizaki asked shyly.

“Not bad.” Aomine admitted grudgingly from where he stood beside Kagami, who was still dressed in Kise’s sister’s uniform. “What about me?”

“Guys, seriously.” Kise heaved a sigh.

“You look like…” Haizaki bit his lip. “A delinquent.”

It was true.

Aomine’s Touou blazer was tied in a haphazard knot around his hips, and his uniform shirt sleeves were folded up to his elbows, with all the buttons unbuttoned down to where his shirt was tucked under his blazer. The strapless black push-up around his chest added a nice touch.

“All you need is a baseball bat.” Kagami burst out laughing.

“Hey let’s play an RPG where we’re an all girl team!” Aomine snapped his fingers.

x  

The door slammed open abruptly.

Aomine was holding Kagami - who was pretend-playing a demon lord - by the armpits, while Haizaki performed the ‘evil soul extraction’ from Kagami’s chest with an eyelash curler borrowed from a nearby makeup bag.

“What’s wrong?” Kise’s eldest sister stood, watching them intently with a bunch of her girlfriends from college. “Don’t let us stop you.”

Her friends raised their smartphones up, camera and social sharing apps at the ready.

Behind them, Kise waved his arms apologetically before making a beeline for the safety of his bedroom.

“College girls…” Aomine squeaked, face heating up. In his shock, Haizaki accidentally clipped Kagami’s right nipple between the lash cage and silicone pad.

“Ungh!!!” Were the last words Kagami uttered in a strangled scream before he submitted to unconsciousness.

**Author's Note:**

> I am not sure why I wrote this.


End file.
